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She lives!

Yes, I know I should write more often.  I mean to, I really do.  But, much like every attempt I’ve ever made to steady-journal, I haven’t managed to write.  If anything, I have much many mucho reasons to — I’ve been to the podiatrist(s) three times in three weeks, have been on antibiotics for a month and a half straight, turned 28, got into a PsyD program, work in a disorganized and unable to function properly office, deal with a friend in a very emotionally abusive relationship, have gotten to the end of my rope with another friend that is slowly slipping from my realm of “friends,” have to figure out how to tell a 6 year old I can only come over once a month, am being stalked by a mental patient (which is entirely my fault)… the list is, quite possibly, endless.  But where has my motivation gone?  Every day I say I’ll write the next day, because I’m “just too tired.”  And in truth, I am.  But how am I not too tired to read 100 pages of a book or spend four hours on WoW?

I feel like I’m spending a lot of time distracting myself, and I’m not as actually happy as I want to be.  I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that i don’t go out anymore.  I mean, great, I’m not blowing every single dollar on booze and late-night food (when, do you think, is the best time to try the shrimp taco at Taco Bell, as recommended by a co-worker?), but instead I’m “blowing” it on prescriptions and surgeries.  So, yeah, I guess I could see why life has me edging towards the negative side, when all I ever do is struggle to stay on the positive side.

The good news?  Regardless of how broke it might make me, I will officially be able to walk (read: hike! bike! rollerblade! Wii!!) without pain or discomfort after about four months in just a few short weeks (possibly even just one!).  This is quite fantastic for me.  I have taken the ability to walk completely and totally for granted, and I can now appreciate the art of … the toe(s).

More totally awesome good news?  I’m leaving.  Yes, there are down sides to this (especially if my friends thought I already didn’t see them enough…), but getting out of New York seems like it might do me some good.   Oddly enough, some people spend their entire lives trying to make it in New York, and here I am trying to escape it.  But, really, aside from my friends (whom I love dearly, all…6 of you, contrary to popular (Facebook) belief), my momz0rs, and my darling, precious, LOML little-man brother, what do I have?  I work in a job I can’t stand but won’t leave because of the salary (common story, folks?), I live at home with my mother (great financially and for the familial relationship; bad for privacy and independence), I refuse to date (though I haven’t yet worked out the details on this one), and school ends in t-minus six weeks (HOLY SHIT!).  That…is my life.  I’m okay with re-inventing myself in the outskirts and/or ‘burbs and/or city of Philadelphia.  Plus, having a base of friends (Brenden, Elliot, Huntley, Matt, the Ellis clan) sure makes the whole idea less scary.  Which is great, ’cause the financial side makes the whole idea really fucking scary.

I’d love to go on about the usual life-stuff, but I’m, as per the usual, quite exhausted (a two hour nap followed by four hours of warcraft will do that to ya).  Here’s to hopin’ I get back in the game.  (Oh yeah–and tee-ball starts next week! Huzzah!)


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I *should* be doing something productive right now…

…but instead I’m writing about how tired I am.

Day 2 was a little less hectic than Day 1.  I started at the child care center at 9:30 and played with/yelled at/cleaned up after a group of 3-5 year olds until 12:30.  From there I paid off my parking violation from the winter session (who knew that lot wasn’t open during off-session?  Certainly not me!) and headed to Commack for a 2-7:30 shift.   Looking for something to spend a half an hour reading to calm my mind, I realized I wasn’t in possession of my February book club book.  When I checked out the Lindenhurst Memorial Library website, it stated that the library would be open until 9…so yeah, I went.  But my library card had expired in 11/09 so I had to get a new, with-the-times, high-tech, snazzy card, which has my picture on it.  When I was offered the keychain card at no charge, I just couldn’t say no.  So now my dorky library card sits with my accounts to CVS, Bob’s Stores, Petco, and every supermarket in the Tri-State area.  But I digress.  When I returned home I was so exhausted from Day 1 + Day 2 that I passed out by 10, having read all of four pages of the book.

Day 3 only slightly kicked my butt.  I took notes in the class I’m T.A.-ing from 9:30-10:30 and then met up with some of the other T.A.s to discuss our T.A. duties and the ever-popular “how to use the big commercial copy machine.”  I ran straight from there to work at 11, where I stayed busy until the boss’s daughter grabbed me by the heart and got me to play with her for an hour and a half (time I should have been reading my new 770 paged library book).  I ran back to school at 5:30 for a post-test training meeting, wherein I learned how to walk participants of a sleep deprivation study through the second half of their testing.  And by “learned how” I mean “went through the tests myself” to get a full picture of how it’s all done.

I think that ended somewhere near 7:30, so I grabbed a cup or two of pasta salad from school and headed home.  I spent that night from 9-10:30 watching the President address Congress, which was a waste of an hour and a half because it was mostly redundant Obama-speak.  At 10:30 I filled out and drew up an essay for an application to Adelphi’s M.A. program in Mental Health Counseling in the fall.  I also put together a list of all of my former addresses, which will be required by the State of NY because I’m working with children…not that I didn’t fill out the exact same form three weeks ago for the Office of Mental Health when I attended orientation for South Oaks.  Oh well, at least it’s now saved as a Word doc!

By the time I was done with all of the above, I lay down to read some of the aformntioned book club book, Drood, but I fell asleep a few more pages in.  From what I can tell though, I like Dan Simmons’ style.  He writes somewhat similar to how I write (throwing in little parenthetical side notes entirely too often).  For many I can only imagine that gets annoying, but for me–attention-grabbing!  Now if I could only read it without exhaustion overtaking me!

Today seemed like another wuzzle (CTBS Test Word!!!!  “wuzzle” means “to mix” for those of you that don’t remember the example that was drilled into our heads at that tender age) of a thousand different things.  I played with the kiddies again from 9:30-12:30, and let me tell you that is draining.  I like it–even the handfuls are unique and special kids–but I’m amazed at how unprepared my body was for this experience.  At 12:30 I raced over to campus to find out that the post office is only open on M/W/F, the Parking Services Department has nothing to do with meters eating peoples’ money (you have to call a number to file a complaint to be ignored for that), and the University Counseling Center probably can’t accommodate my horrendous limited availability schedule, but will try.  I do, however, get 10 sessions of mental health counseling, which I am more than happy to take if they can squeeze me in every other week.  I’d welcome as much support as possible, especially considering it doesn’t particularly feel like my family is there for me.

Soooooo after all of that, I went to the Commack office to turn off for 30 minutes before having to jump into work mode for five and a half hours.  Today everyone decided to tell me their insurance had changed (on 1/1/10, mind you) and I also have five evaluations over the next three days that the office is completely unprepared for.  I blame the system for this one, though.  The “new evaluation” system is utter shit at my job.  If I had any time at all to spend on it, I would try to come up with a better system.  But alas–they are doomed to repeat unnecessary mistakes.

So after I took a beating at work, I came home to bills in the mail, a pile of laundry and a dirty litterbox.  I started the laundry and had some soup, at least, but now I’ve still a few items left on the to-do list that I have very little energy to do.  But I must, because the week doesn’t end here.  Thursday is my new Wednesday.  Tomorrow I have class, work, kiddie time and a night of homework, then Saturday will be the first day of volunteer work in the therapeutic rehabilitation department at South Oaks Hospital.  When I get home from that, I have to pack up and head to my father’s, play with my little brother, do more homework, and then get up in time for 12pm book club.  I’ll get back to my comfy, cozy room around 4pm on Sunday, at which point I will have to write a 5-6 page essay for class on Monday.

See what I mean? T.I.R.E.D.

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It sure doesn’t feel like a new year.

For some reason I had my heart set on feeling like a new person come 1/1/10, or at least 1/5/10, but I don’t.  I’m thankful my first few days of 2010 were spent up in Rhinebeck & Cold Spring, NY, hiking in the serenity of the snow-laden mountains, but it made my first day(s) back in regular life that much more difficult.

I stayed up last night to watch Troy, since we were screening it in class on 1/6 (day 2 of winter class), and I have to miss that class for orientation to volunteer on Saturdays at a mental institution.  When I get to the first day of class, not seven hours after finishing the flick, I find the first two days on the syllabus are a mistake, and the first day was a screening of Troy, not the second.  The plus side?  Not wanting to watch Troy twice in twelve hours, I did the mini attendance-assignment, explained my predicament to the teacher, and got to split from class. That way I worked more than I would normally have had time to, allowing me to catch up some.  Of course, I wound up working almost 8 hours, so it’s almost as though I didn’t really get a vacation!

But tomorrow and Thursday and Friday should be somewhat more smooth because of the effort I put in today.  (I hope.)  I also managed to have time to get that new fuel filter. Frank the stoner really creeps me out at the Jiffy Lube.  Then again, he told me to ask for a few bucks off, and I paid seven less bucks because of him.  (But he’s still creepy!)

After my school –> Stony Brook –> Jiffy Lube –> Commack office –> dinner –> Odyssey day, I think I’ll be asleep the second my head hits the pillow.

Things I didn’t get done today:
– call Sue (back, even though it was on my agenda to do anyway)
– make bloodwork appointment (to find out wtf is wrong with my fingers on my left hand)
– return Troy to Blockbuster

Here’s hoping I remember to do them tomorrow!

Off to read and exercise…

❤ Peace/Love/Happiness ❤

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Progresses & Failures.

I got a 92.5 on my Psych of Prejudice exam last week.  Class average was a 77, so I’m okay with my grade.  However, I definitely got at least 5 wrong on my Drugs & the Brain test (on neurochemistry), so this might be one’a the droppers.  I’ve maintained a 24/25 and a 25/25 on the first two tests, so as long as the material doesn’t get increasingly difficult, I should be okay.

By the way, here’s a “daily photo” I took at school last week:

SBU Gardening

SBU Gardening

I have accomplished so much work today that I’m trying not to focus on what I did not manage to get done.  I conquered: reading Book II & Book III of Rousseau’s On the Social Contract, I read 60 pages of Cronin’s Changes in the Land, I wrote my paper for the primary sources this week in Environmental History, I typed up the notes I had yet to transcribe from Friday’s classes, I did my laundry, I walked with mom down to CVS and grabbed a few things, I added webs & spiders to my front yard decorations, I watched yesterday’s Dollhouse and I made penne a la vodka for dinner.

What I didn’t get done: balancing out my finances for the past two weeks, watching last week’s House, reading any of The Perfect Storm, which I need to finish to begin writing a book review on come next Sunday (and I’m only 65 pages in), finding three more schools to apply to, and studying for my Natural Disasters test on Wednesday.

Really the to-dos seem dull in comparison to the accomplisheds.  As a matter of fact, I’m going to go watch last week’s House, then read some of TPS (10 pages would make me happy) before bed.  I might be a sleepy mess tomorrow, but if I play my cards right, I can be asleep by midnight.

Additional progresses/failures:  I did not, in fact, dream of Chris as I expected to.  I dreamed instead of Kellen not liking me and being forced to interact with me by my father & stepmother.  I don’t remember why, but I know I spent some dream time crying (not actual crying, just in-dream crying).  However, I did manage to lose all of that emotional BS that was floating around in the brainspace yesterday and I’m back to my old self.

On par, a photo of the accident I sat in 30 minutes of traffic on 347 because of on Friday:

No, really, not a laughing matter.

No, really, not a laughing matter.

And the progress of my neighbors:

New construction!

New construction!

Oh, and a reflection for the day regarding three of my ex-boyfriends:  one has absolutely no life, one’s life is basically over, and one is a complete tool (which I definitely should have realized sooner–thanks photos!).  I’ll let you figure out who’s who.

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A quick note on le school.

I’m headed to bed at the ripe early hour of 11:30 p.m. tonight, so as to get a good night’s sleep.  I shall be working 9-12:30 tomorrow, returning home to study from 1-3, and then will be at the GRE test site roughly 50 minutes early, because that’s how I roll.

I did, however, want to jot down my upcoming schedule, as I’ve usually done this by now, but haven’t to date.  So here is my school/work schedule, complete with cool classes for the Fall semester.

Mon/Wed/Fri (9:35-10:30 a.m.): Drugs and the Brain (Biopsychology)
Mon/Wed/Fri (10:40-11:35 a.m.): Psychology of Prejudice
Mon/Wed (3:50-5:10 p.m.): Politics and Society (Philosophy)
Mon/Wed (5:20-6:40 p.m.): Natural Disasters
Mon/Wed (6:50-8:10 p.m.): Environmental History

I’ll be working Mon/Wed from 12-3:30, Tu/Th for 4.5 hours each, and Fri from 12-4.  In about a month, however, I will be working evening hours, opening our new Commack office, on Tu/Th/Fri instead of daytime.  I’m not sure how I’m going to squeeze in research work, but I certainly promise to be busy with school work and research work and reading Psych GRE stuff and getting application documents together every free moment of my life.  I’ll probably still go to dad’s on Fridays, but I will spend most of Saturday doing homework, and I will have to go home Saturday evenings to the land of gettingthingsdone.  I’d like to think I’ll get a bunch of work done at their house, but it’s hard to explain to a six-year-old why you’re still doing homework, where theirs took about 11 minutes.

Speaking of time constraints, I need to read some so I can get groggy enough to fall asleep by 1.

Here’s to not being afraid of the big, bad GRE exam tomorrow!  ::cheers with Gatorade bottle of water::

P.S. I had forgotten to take a picture today, so what best to capture at this hour?  My studies!

GRE for dummies and a wide-ruled notebook of MATH.

GRE for dummies and a wide-ruled notebook of MATH.

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The Final Vocabulary.

This is so exciting! Sure, I still have to study all these words (final total likely to be reported tomorrow), but there will be no new ones after these fifteen:

1. rout — to drive out; to stampede. Someone who talks really fast might just be saying “drive out” but it would sound to the naked ear like “drout.”

2. shard — fragment. Shards of glass, or shiny pink stuff for the WoW reference. (Damned if I know what they’re called.)

3. aver — to avouch, justify or prove. Once proven, common response is, “whataver.”

4. harangue — a tirade. I’ll always remember it because I thought it said ‘trade’ instead of ‘tirade’ so I came up with a cheat to remember it based on that. /shame

5. recondite — incomprehensible to one of ordinary understanding; profound. In seeking clarification, one might ask, “Re-conned, right?”  “Well, it’s kind of hard to understand.”

6. dilatory — causing delay. When your eyes dilate and you can’t immediately focused, your seeing is delayed.

7. eschew — to keep clear of. Someone with a shoe-phobia would easily remember this one.  “A SHOE!  AHHH! GET IT AWAY!!”

8. seminal — influencing future developments. I’d say seminal fluid plays a role in that, yeah.

9. innocuous — harmless. Like an innocuous odor?

10. halcyon — calm. Ooh! It’s like a word jumble…missing an ‘m.’

11. austere — unadorned; severely simple. Aw! Steer are severely simple!

12. ignominious — shameful. I’m so ashamed, I have to go hide in an igloo.

13. respite — interval of rest. Stan the Concession Guy in the building I used to work in on Broadway taught me that word.  Go Stan.

14. deride — to ridicule; to make fun of. I’m scared of de rides, so people ridicule me.

15. equanimity — evenness of mind or temper. “Equal” parts mind and temper.  Kind of a memorization one, but oh well.

And that is all.  I will no longer have lists of words and my ridiculous attempts to remember them.  I’d like to think I’d keep up with a daily something, but knowing myself, it’s unlikely.

So today was a day of good food, as many of them have been.  My assistant office manager brought in a zucchini quiche and cucumber salad.  I personally enjoyed the cucumber salad more, but the quiche was good as well.  Her husband grows zucchini and cucumbers so she’s going to bring in a few for me tomorrow.  Then I can make my own cucumber salad over the weekend, when I’m studying and studying my ass off (well, Sunday, at least).

The next few days go as follows:

Friday: work, speech therapy (if Caryn will see me), farmer’s market, dad’s, Greek Festival.
Saturday: movies with Lynn, oil change, claimed by Tom for the evening, likely for a few beers and some Rock Band.
Sunday: wash the car (weather permitting), contact some schools regarding their graduate psych programs (Queens College, CUNY SI, NYU, Hunter, U of Rochester), practice GRE Exam #1, and more studying, & BBQ the gigantic zucchini and the rest of the burgers/dogs.
Monday: work, home to study.
Tuesday: work, home to study.
Wednesday: work, GRE, celebratory chocolate martini (but only one–gotta treat the vocal chords nicely)!

I can’t think past there, so I’m not going to try.  I’d like to get a gym night in next week as well, but if I can’t, I can’t. No biggie.

That’s all for tonight, ladies and gents.  Gonna go study and count my vocabulary words, then study some math formulas and stuff.

Addendum:  295 words from 7/14-8/20.  \m/

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Vocabulary, Day OMGisitGREtimeyet?

After all but dying in the 95 degrees yesterday, I decided to stay a day at my dad’s (that plus having been away over the weekend & not having been able to see my brother), so now I’m freezing.  Heh.  But it’s much easier to curl up under a blanket than it is to sit in front of an oscillating fan and not move.

I have about 150 words to study, and Im’a look into a few days in Maine (maybe Sunday – Tuesday, so I can still see the family and if work lets me take the days), but first, let’s add some more:

1. cognizant — aware; taking notice. Thankfully, I’ve taken Cognitive Psychology and thus was forced to learn this word.

2. craven — cowardly. Maybe the “nevermore” raven was at the door ’cause he was hiding.  Hey, ya never know.

3. impugn — to assail with arguments or accusations. There’s that “pug” root again.  So I might not be able to recall the accusations portion, but I will certainly know it’s to fight.

4. astute — keen; wise. I had to learn this once (SAT word?), so I linked astute student.  But I kinda like “ast-hoot” and the wise old owl connection.

5. bombastic — using inflated language; pompous.  “They call me Mr. Pompous; ain’t it fontostic…”  Thank you, Shaggy, for being a pompous douchebag.

6. divest — to strip; to deprive. Strip off a vest? *wink, wink*  That should do the trick.

7. impecunious — having no money; broke. I wish saying that I was impecunious would be good enough, but I don’t think it would be.  I could think I went to a CUNY school ’cause I had no money.  Yeah, ha, that’ll work.

8. veracious — truthful. Verifiably correct.  OR Vera Wang is a truthful person.  Preferably the former.

9. verbiage — use of many words. Like, verbatim?  Verbs? Yeah, that should be simple enough.

10. verbose — wordy. Well that was fortunately quite coincidental.

11. proclivity — natural inclination. Clivity….climbing?  InCLINation?  Um, sure!

12. prodigious — immense; enormous. It’s so big, it’s a prodigy!

13. profound — deep; not superifcial. Already known. Yippee!

14. proliferate — to grow rapidly. Instead of Multiplicity, they should have called that movie Proliferation.

15. propensity — natural inclination. So, uh, like proclivity?

Okay, it’s 1 a.m. and I need to brush up on all bajillion of these words and get to bed before, say, 3.  My plan for the next few days (since I’m having trouble keeping it all together in my head, and even in my planner) is as follows:

– sleep past everyone leaving (but find out what to do with the alarm and dogs)
– pick up my prescription at the Miller Place CVS circa 10:30 a.m.
– stop by Janine’s to change how her PC saves downloads and new documents
– work from around 12-4 (while there: check Stony Brook Hospital’s visiting hours, address my check to Dr. Watsky’s office, check about more days off and get in touch with Sue re: meeting)
– visit step-gramma at SB hospital ’till around 5
– stop at the bank (deposit & grab $20 bucks)
– go to Sue’s at 6 for our meeting
– call Jule and/or Cory (try to plan a girl’s movie night with Lynn and Jule)
– when I get home (say 9/9:30-ish), look into some schools and do some vocab.  after that, free for all until bedtime.

– laundry at 9:30 a.m.
– work 10:30 to 2:30 (which means leave at 3, ’cause that’s how it works in Lake Success–plus, I clean 2:30 to 3)
– take in laundry at 5
– do GRE studying most of the night (can also clean up part of the basement as a substitution, or, hell, do both)
– email all of my teachers about the first day of school
– look into potential Maine stuff
– go to bed before 2!  (have to be up at 7:30 on Friday!)

– 8:00 a.m. I chop all my hair off (well, most of it)
– work 9:30 to 1:30
– oil change at 2
– Coney Island 3:30 – 9
– more Maine booking/looking into

Saturday I’m going to my dad’s.  I was thinking of bringing some food presents for my dad and Lynn on Saturday, but it’d be a lot of driving, so it’s still a maybe (but a good chance).  I’ll have to pack, and I’m also going to get any remaining RA work done on Saturday and do some GRE studying (and look into more schools, provided I haven’t completely finished doing that, which I likely won’t be).  This way Sunday I can just relaaaaax, and maybe stay over again.  I’d like to make some headway in Clash of Kings again, as I’m only like 165 pages in.

I feel like I’m missing something, but I guess if I remember it, I can always write it down somewhere.  Ugh, I need another list!

For now? Back to Futurama and Slingo.  Oh yeah, and studying vocabulary.  Not sure I’ll have the time to look into Maine stuff anymore.  Oh well!  Shame I’m such a huge napper!  And good thing I’ve no real obligations (yet).  😉

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