Yes, I know I should write more often. I mean to, I really do. But, much like every attempt I’ve ever made to steady-journal, I haven’t managed to write. If anything, I have much many mucho reasons to — I’ve been to the podiatrist(s) three times in three weeks, have been on antibiotics for a month and a half straight, turned 28, got into a PsyD program, work in a disorganized and unable to function properly office, deal with a friend in a very emotionally abusive relationship, have gotten to the end of my rope with another friend that is slowly slipping from my realm of “friends,” have to figure out how to tell a 6 year old I can only come over once a month, am being stalked by a mental patient (which is entirely my fault)… the list is, quite possibly, endless. But where has my motivation gone? Every day I say I’ll write the next day, because I’m “just too tired.” And in truth, I am. But how am I not too tired to read 100 pages of a book or spend four hours on WoW?
I feel like I’m spending a lot of time distracting myself, and I’m not as actually happy as I want to be. I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that i don’t go out anymore. I mean, great, I’m not blowing every single dollar on booze and late-night food (when, do you think, is the best time to try the shrimp taco at Taco Bell, as recommended by a co-worker?), but instead I’m “blowing” it on prescriptions and surgeries. So, yeah, I guess I could see why life has me edging towards the negative side, when all I ever do is struggle to stay on the positive side.
The good news? Regardless of how broke it might make me, I will officially be able to walk (read: hike! bike! rollerblade! Wii!!) without pain or discomfort after about four months in just a few short weeks (possibly even just one!). This is quite fantastic for me. I have taken the ability to walk completely and totally for granted, and I can now appreciate the art of … the toe(s).
More totally awesome good news? I’m leaving. Yes, there are down sides to this (especially if my friends thought I already didn’t see them enough…), but getting out of New York seems like it might do me some good. Oddly enough, some people spend their entire lives trying to make it in New York, and here I am trying to escape it. But, really, aside from my friends (whom I love dearly, all…6 of you, contrary to popular (Facebook) belief), my momz0rs, and my darling, precious, LOML little-man brother, what do I have? I work in a job I can’t stand but won’t leave because of the salary (common story, folks?), I live at home with my mother (great financially and for the familial relationship; bad for privacy and independence), I refuse to date (though I haven’t yet worked out the details on this one), and school ends in t-minus six weeks (HOLY SHIT!). That…is my life. I’m okay with re-inventing myself in the outskirts and/or ‘burbs and/or city of Philadelphia. Plus, having a base of friends (Brenden, Elliot, Huntley, Matt, the Ellis clan) sure makes the whole idea less scary. Which is great, ’cause the financial side makes the whole idea really fucking scary.
I’d love to go on about the usual life-stuff, but I’m, as per the usual, quite exhausted (a two hour nap followed by four hours of warcraft will do that to ya). Here’s to hopin’ I get back in the game. (Oh yeah–and tee-ball starts next week! Huzzah!)