A little seminar sidetrack.

(Copied from handwritten notes at a seminar I went to yesterday for professional development.)

So, I’m noticing my own behavior in this moment. My gaze inadvertently shifted to an individual to a tall, dark, and similar-to-Mr. Wonderful looking individual on the other side of the room. He has a ring on, which I had just finished patting myself on the metaphorical back for turning my attention from someone I found attractive but was donning a ring. So what happened when I saw fake Mr. W? My heart quite obviously skipped a beat. This just reaffirms my suspicion that I’m not really over that whole (little) thing. What the hell is it about this that’s killing me? Is it the lack of knowing? Is it the feeling of rejection? Is it my own inability to speak up and “assertively” take charge & make something happen? UGH.

…and thank you for looking directly at me, dude — you have a huuuuuge head, and you look wholly miserable. The only time you so much as half-smiled was when I bitched about always getting a break five minutes after I go to the bathroom. No, thanks. Crush/freakout over!

 

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