Friends?

Sometimes I think the Universe screams at me and I don’t even hear it.

I spent a LOT of time convincing myself it was okay to ask someone out and then a lot more time convincing myself it was a bad idea. And then…we wound up in the same place at the same time alone together doing something I (or maybe we both) enjoy. And I…was too drunk to really remember it. What I do remember has come through a filter of awkward. I think I made it awkward. I think I make things that make me nervous extra awkward. I’m so good at not being nervous relatively regularly that I hate when I don’t have a choice and it just happens to me.

Then I think I got friendzoned today. Or, as a friend put it, maybe it was a defensive maneuver. Or maybe I’m thinking about it too much. I did get the green light for hanging out though, so maybe I can just do what every guy who gets friendzoned does and stick it out. Hope I’m needed for some White Knighting. Or give him time to see just how fucking amazing I am. (That last bit there was sarcasm. I’m amazing, but I’m not for everyone…actually, I’m not for most people.)

So the universe created the situation and I kept playing in my head over and over, “ask him out, like on a real date.” And I wouldn’t (at least I don’t think I did). I started rehearsing different verbiage in my head and then shushing the internal voice, recalling my previous post about needing to run far and fast in the opposite direction if I ever chose to do it. The friend that considered the friendzone a defensive maneuver also suggested I text back how much I am interested in being more than friends, but I don’t think that’s the right path for this situation. I think it’s going in the direction it needs to…friends. Friends first, or friends forever, or friends for now, but any which way friends.

Maybe I’m not the only one thinking this. Or, more realistically, maybe I am.

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