Monthly Archives: December 2014

New Year’s Eve, 2014

This is likely the first NYE I’ve decided to spend asleep. I’d like to thank Facebook for pointing out some good things that happened this year, but I am lately (perhaps being in my hometown for almost two weeks) reminded of the one major awful thing that happened to me this year. I just realized today that after four years…a four year long relationship…I didn’t so much as get a “Merry Christmas” text last week. Four years of my heart and soul, a birthday gift only three weeks ago (it was small but thoughtful, I assure you), and a breakup that actually culminated based on suspicion alone and a difference of perspective, and I’m not even a thought on a holiday. I guess it makes me feel like I wasted the last four years on someone that couldn’t care any less about me. I feel stupid even wasting this many words writing about it.

I think about what I would have done were the situation reversed, and I know I never would have walked away. I know I would have given another chance, but I also know I was the only one talking, the only one trying anymore. At this point though, I’m glad I recognized it for what it was: as excuse to leave. It makes me really sad to think that that’s what it took for him to walk away, but hearing that I was unhappy wasn’t enough to make him do anything differently. He looked for anything to use as an excuse to leave so it wasn’t on his conscious. Amazing.

I guess some people are okay with indefinite long-distance relationships, others want to be married after two or three years. I don’t think it’s entirely unreasonable to want to live in the same state after four years and a dozen promises, I just don’t. And I guess maybe 2015 is the year I try to find someone who agrees. This whole internship year thing throws a big wrench into that plan, though, so maybe 2015 is the year I (as one of my close friends would say) “do me,” and 2016 is the year I find the other half of my extraordinary self.

And as a side note, as I was typing this I received a “Happy New Year!” text from an ex-boyfriend who I still consider a good friend. He had I had dated not two full years, had lived together, and will always care about and be there for each other. That…is what I’m holding out for.

Happy new year!

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