Dexter

You knew there had to be something for me in the show after: (1) reading Dexter in book club and (2) being compared to the main character’s sister during Facebook doppelganger season. I abandoned just about every single responsibility I had today (my bags are still packed from my return to Philly) just to get to this point. I am halfway through Season 2 (I started Season 1 last week) and I’ve learned three  things thus far:

(1) I feel an attachment to Dexter not because he’s a vigilante of sorts, but because he reminds me of someone from my life. Someone who also is not very in touch with their feelings, who works a boring job and disguises himself as a dork. Except this guy doesn’t have Antisocial Personality Disorder, he’s more the Schizoid or Avoidant type, less law-breaking. Regardless, I have a certain fondness for him, based solely on the familiarity. And especially on the facial expressions.

(2) I’m inspired by the APD. I mean, I prefer Dex to have emotions because it’s the healthier thing to do. But at the same time I find myself more easily detachable from emotional situations after watching some of the Season 1 episodes. Season 2 is shaping up to be a whole ‘nother ball game, now that Dex is feeling feelings and such. Personally, I need a little less feeling in my life.

(3) Speaking of feelings, Debra hit the fuckin’ nail on the head when she told Rita she didn’t miss her wife-beater-addict-ex-husband but instead missed the way he made her feel about herself. It didn’t click until she fell for her age-inappropriate boss who “made her feel strong.” Yeah. I took on one of my exes because he made me feel loved. You can love someone who loves you because they make you feel great. But you will not necessarily fall in love with them. I’m with my boyfriend now because he makes me feel worth it. (And maybe still the high school crush thing.) There is a huge difference between feeling loved and feeling lovable. You can easily fall in love with someone that makes you feel lovable. As a matter of fact, they can help you through the “love yourself before you can love anyone else” thing. For as long as they’re around, shortcomings just feel like traits-in-progress. I believe in a better me because I have him. I don’t know that anyone has ever made me feel hopeful before, and truth be told I’m not even that bad (anymore)! 😉

Maybe I’ll look back on this when I’m feeling differently. Probably not, but it’s nice to document once in a while. 🙂

As ever, good night, cruel world.

P.S. If the crazy Borderline girl doesn’t get out of this show soon, I’ll have a completely different portion of my past to write about (I’ll pretend the Lilla/Lila coincidence doesn’t exist for now). Hey, at least it’s material.

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