I went to a wedding, and didn’t get wedding-needy.

In fact, quite the opposite. I went to a wedding and got more anti-wedding than I have been in a good, long while. It’s not personal; the wedding I attended was that of two friends of mine and they had such a wonderful day that it’s shocking me just to think these thoughts, let alone put them down somewhere more solid. But truth be told, I’m no good at weddings. I can’t dance (but only Billy knows that, as he was the only one to force me onto the dance floor for all of 3 minutes). I don’t mind being in pictures, but I abhor being in videos. I’m not even very good at small talk for longer than five or ten minutes.

That, coupled with the whole idea of being the center of attention, makes me anxious. I don’t particularly like being on the sidelines in weddings; I’m not too sure I’d ever be able to handle the whole bride thing.

I’m not saying I don’t want to get married, because in all honesty, I’m pretty sure I do. But the big party? Yeah, I might be fine to do without. Or maybe just something really fucking small. Let the world find out by a name change on the latest social networking site.

Then I think about the commitment and the anxiety returns. People change so much over the course of their lives and it’s no longer the time where “sickness and health, richer or poorer,” blah blah blah are actual conditions. People just up and get divorced. Oh well, we tried the whole committed to each other thing, and it turns out I can’t hack it, so BYE! I don’t work like that, nor do I want to. If I ever get married, I really want the through thick-and-thin part, because that’s what would make it most meaningful at the end of the day anyway. It’s true that you can never be sure, but I think it’s worth waiting a fairly decent amount of time before making that decision for forever.  Because 2012 or not, forever can be a long time. And at what point do we truly know one another? Do we ever?

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