I consider this the first of 5 study events (the remaining being: midterms & finals for summer courses, midterms & finals for fall courses and the dreaded COMPS in between semesters). Wait. I guess that makes this the first of six study events. Whoops. I also guess I studied my face off for midterms as well this semester, but those were all at drastically different times (one per week for three weeks) and don’t really count as a festival of studying. Eh, potato potato. 😉
Having the next two full days to mix studying with whateverthefuckIwant has given me a clearer picture of myself. I have actually found myself saying, “as long as I can get [a certain amount] of studying done, I can go do [this thing I want to do].” On that list are yoga, shooting and bike riding. I wonder how long it would take me to bike ride to Philadelphia proper to go to yoga. I’ll have to find out where the Schuylkill River Trail could dump me into the city somehow. Google maps’ bike directions (in beta testing, but thanks, Google!) informs me it’s about 6 miles and a 30-minute ride to Kajal’s, which I am going to tomorrow. I wonder if tomorrow should be my test run. It would also keep me from riding back home later than 7-ish while it’s still light out, so I can get other things done without accidentally staying there for eight hours. I may never make it back up the hills of Manayunk, but so long as my legs are still functional, I could always just walk back up, bike in tow.
I honestly hope I get to do some of those things in the next two days. My brain is exceptionally more ambitious than my body. I’m anticipating that nice weather changes that. I’m also going to need to find a way to sleep outside, and soon.
So, thankfully, with these desires popping up (something I haven’t had much of since moving to Philly), I’m learning a little bit more about myself and things I might actually (gasp!) enjoy doing. Maybe I’m just jumping the gun though, since these are all fairly new things, and I’m the queen of starting new things and finishing none of them. At the very least I’ll find out what I don’t like, if I start and stop. Now if I could just get this damn studying done…sigh.
I realized tonight the common thread between all of those late-night (that are also on earlier, while I’m homeworking) shows I’m so addicted to: Happy Days, The Wonder Years, Doogie Houser, M.D., and especially Family Ties (okay, maybe not Batman). It’s love. Each of those shows is built on respect and love in families. Together, problems were solved, revenge was non-existent and peace & love were themes. Maybe my inner hippie is calling out, but that easily explains why I’m so drawn to these programs. Maybe it’s just that I never had those things. Maybe it’s just that they’re so familiar since they’re from my childhood. Maybe it’s just that they’re so corny. But really, I love them for what they represent. I don’t know what changed over time to make programming these days about violence and/or GTL and celebrities dancing, but what we really need in this world is a little less focus on the bullshit and a little more focus on what we all have in common: the ability to love – selfless, whole-hearted, like-your-grandmother-meant-it, pure love.
Maybe what we need in the world isn’t more of a focus on it, but more of it.
The good news is there was nothing too terrible on the computer in the first place, save for some dream and some feelings I thankfully rationalized away (and should have updated since then since they were rather fleeting!) and a few defense mechanisms that will no longer be effective due to their likelihood of now being known. The bad news is things were read. There was a bit of a privacy breach.
It’s funny, ’cause computers are the one thing of other people that I never touch (‘except one time when I knew they wouldn’t be able to figure it out, and that was a lonnnnng time ago). Handwritten stuff is another story, but I’ve been pretty good about that one this time around. I think I’m just scarred though. What I learned the first time I took just a peek at personal information conditioned a nausea at cracking open a boyfriend’s Moleskine forever. I’d really just rather not know. I’m not even sure why I continued to do it that time; probably because it was the only way to know the truth and I was hoping it would turn in my favor.
But now? I wonder what information is out there. Not that it really makes that much of a difference, because none of it was terrible (thankfully). And I could have known more, but I’m the idiot that re-opened everything that could have been incriminating (or was interesting), changing the “last opened” date to tonight…on all except a few documents that really had nothing to do with anything (why was my notes for the final opened?!) I mean really, though, if you want to know what something says, just ask me. I’m very likely to just tell you.
I’m going to be a good girl and keep my hands and eyes to myself, despite my urges. I’m also going to start writing on paper and hiding things I don’t want anyone else to read. ‘Cause now I wonder about my journals too.