I was surprised to learn today that my mother didn’t think her opinion (of the guys I’ve dated) mattered. The disconnect is flooring; I’ve always hung on every word she’s ever said about the guys I date. For a while there I didn’t think she liked Rob (because he lived with us for a little while, and I assumed he just got on her nerves), but after we broke up she told me how much she loved him. So did my dad, which made it worse. But of course, I didn’t, and that was more important. Whatever happened after Rob was fuzzy, but the next time we had a chat about a boy that I paid attention to was post-Sam, and well, she didn’t have anything good to say (to put it mildly). From that point forward, I made a mental note to try to decode all of her statements concerning my love interests (before I gave up on them entirely).
Today she tells me she didn’t know what I saw in Chris, and I replied by telling her I wished she’d tell me these things while I’m in those relationships. That’s when she let me know she didn’t think it made a difference, because it’s just her opinion. And I would agree about like 95% of stuff. But “mom’s know best,” and her opinion has always meant something to me. I vaguely recall hanging on her every word when we talked about the guys of my past, and throwing out a lot of defenses when she said things that could be construed as negative.
So when she tells me she absolutely loves Stefan, I sincerely hope she means it and isn’t just trying not to sway my subjective experience. She says we compliment each other and that I’m incredibly comfortable with him (which is true, and one of my favorite things about the relationship), but I’m afraid that sounds oddly familiar (was it with Rob?). Different kind of comfort, if it was. Anyway, I wonder if there would ever be anyone I loved so much it didn’t matter how my mother felt about them. Probably not, honestly. But it doesn’t matter, ’cause this’ll be the last boy I date. 🙂