Every Third Word.

I don’t remember where I wrote it, or who I talked to about it, or why I freaked out about it in the first place, but I recall a time (within the last five months or so) where I was incredibly uncomfortable using terms of endearment. I spent that time worrying that I couldn’t throw a “baby” back at a “honey” and that I’d forever feel awkwardly cold. And then with a snap of my fingers, I find myself paying attention to how ridiculously often those words fly out of my mouth: “aww, I’m sorry you have to deal with that, honey,” “good night, baby,” etc. And those are just the obvious examples. I’m comforted by the fact that I could find it again. The first time I shelved them in defensiveness was in the 2007-area, and I just assumed I’d never get the ability back. It felt fruitless the first few dozen times I tried, and nowt they’re uncontrollable. I wonder by what mechanism this changes comes about.

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