Things I (used to) Miss

One of the reasons I hate cleaning out the prior year’s documents from my crate is because every year I pull out one thing that brings back a flood of memories. This year it was the list I made when writing Rob the “please don’t let us really be over” letter (which I believe he never actually received). I wanted a ridiculously long “things I miss” list, to somehow prove our time together was memorable and worthwhile. Now I realize some of these were serious stretches, but at least I was trying, right?  So…without further ado, here is a list of things I once missed, and now could care less about:

– showers together
– falling asleep on the couch together
– playing with the back of your neck when you’re driving
– taking turns playing fetch with Leslie & Mousy
– picking up and making you eat dropped popcorn
– playing War (you stole my Queen, you liar!)
– kissing my head before you left for work after getting me my robe for when I got out of bed
– sunflower seed runs
– Smallville & popcorn nights
– shopping together
– making you dinners
– Conversation Cards
– wearing your t-shirts to bed
– rubbing your chest in bed
– bringing your glasses out in my bag and surprising you when you realized you forgot them
– Mad About You & King of Queens — a/k/a an accurate representation of our apartment/life together
– events, like Spamalot & concerts (i.e. Jack Johnson)
– running to the store to get me meds when I was randomly in pain
– going to see random bands in bars
– talking to strangers while laying on each other on the train
– walks over the BK bridge
– Tasti D Lite & the BK promenade
– trying to figure out whose “smell” that was
– making you coffee in the mornings for work
– Sunday morning lulls in conversation at grandpa’s house
– “It’s my turn!” (re: putting lotion on each other’s hands)
– fireworks from the roof
– listening for you to come home via the “listen” button to the street
– attacking me whenever I changed my clothes or came out of the shower
– the way you always just looked at me
– reading together
– trying (and failing) to rent porn together–embarrassing phone calls to Time Warner Cable
– kissing me when you or I got home from work
– making sure my alarm was set in the morning before you left
– being your alarm clock
– snuggling through two snoozes
– you trying to get into the kitchen while I was cooking after I kicked you out
– dollar store shopping
– trying to find me Taco Bell
– you playing with my hair
– helping you put outfits together
– 4th of July in Greenpoint, BK
– you licking my eye and my retaliation (licking your nipples, you jerk!)
– taking candid pictures of each other
– holding hands everywhere
– you always doing the dishes after I cooked dinner
– clinging to each other on the cot when sleeping at my mom’s
– buying you little random presents

Wow, Linda, you just summed up October 2004-February 2006. I had forgotten about a lot of those, but I smiled when I thought about the Promenade walks and how my robe was always at the bottom of the bed when I woke up. I don’t remember some of them, and some are things I still do, but some were things that were unique to Rob & I, and I think I like that. I also love looking back and thinking, “shit, that was my life.”  I was a wifey. I made dinner (and lunch) and coffee and I helped my man dress (because he couldn’t match a shirt to a pair of pants to save his life), but there was just enough love and romance (candid pics, taking turns being the big spoon through the snoozes, hitting the “listen” button waiting to hear his keys in the lock) to keep us together. But I wonder how many of those things were forced on him, and not what he would have chosen to do. I was so busy trying to change him into who I wanted him to be, that I lost the ability to love him for who he was. Hey, ya live, ya learn, right? Let’s hope so.

So with finding my list and posting it here, I am now throwing it out. I’ve no real hard feelings towards my ex and his baby momma (my ex-bff), but that chapter of my life is over, and out goes this piece of paper with closing that book. It was a good run, Rob, and I’m sorry I strung you along for so long because I wanted to be and loved being loved unconditionally. I didn’t know I could fall in love with someone who loved me as much as you once did, but lo and behold. The things I used to miss are now the things I am over.

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