Granted, that’s subjective; however, I came to the conclusion just yesterday that I write when I am at one of two extremes: elated or /killself, but never really just, y’know, to say hi. So hi, blog-readers (and haters…extra special love to you folk with no lives. Btw, did you hear about my awesome handgun skillz? Just sayin’). This is a random Thursday in which I am neither here nor there about anything in particular. I finished my homework and now it’s 3 in the morning (said with the accent) and I’m sitting here wondering what to do that will put me to sleep. Somehow, after writing 10 pages on anchoring, I didn’t think it’d be writing. But lo and behold! Maybe I just needed to write something uncomplicated, though I have little to say. I did start thinking about a few things lately, so maybe I’ll jot those down for posterity:
For one, I’m still a little taken aback by just how cliquey my cohort has gotten in such a short period of time (3 months!). Not a big deal, I mean, I have friends here and there, but yet again I am not part of any one “group,” at least not wholly (meaning even if I’m more associated with one, that doesn’t mean it feels like a fit). I’m still not sure why I expected different; my life has never worked that way, so what should be different about that now? I guess it just gets a little lonely when everyone else seems to have someone (and not just someone-at least three someones!). But like I said, that’s how I’ve always rolled. Maybe someday that will change; probably not.
Speaking of things that have been staples in my life and will probably never change, I had a moment of clarity a little while ago. I received this magazine in the mail today–Psychology something-or-other. (It’s actually Monitor on Psychology as put out by the APA.) I joined the APA about a month ago as a student (1) because it’s cheaper when you’re a student, and (2) because I’m supposed to. All of my professors, a majority of my cohort–they love this shit. I don’t necessarily care about it. My first thought was, “oh crap, I really shouldn’t be a shrink!” but my second thought was more individualistic and logical: I’m never going to be that stereotype. I’ve never subscribed to one single stereotype in my entire life (much like the clique-thing), so again, why would that change, especially if I don’t want it to? I’m so busy wondering how my career is going to fit in with a fundamental aspect of my boyfriend’s existence (maybe I don’t love it, but it’s certainly not my life) that I never stopped to think who the fuck cares? My one goal for the next five years is to fake it enough to get through this doctoral thing. Then, once my life is mine again, I can be the me I want to be. And I’ll do well, if for no other reason than I’m good at most things that I do with my heart. Being a stereotypical shrink is not one of them. Being awesome is, and I’ve never been awesome by conforming.
So now I’ve got this APA journal coming to me…that I’ve paid for…that I don’t particularly give two shits about, but somehow I will read, because I’ll have to use information from it to advance myself in this piece of shit education system. Go, America go! I really wish Europe needed psychologists. But I’ll be patient, maybe that trend’ll pick up overseas eventually (as soon as the Americans overtake it? ten years?).