You’re looking through me.

I wonder how it’s possible to keep a portion of myself away from everyone I know.  Everyone gets something; nobody gets everything. There’s got to be something to that.  What use is that?  If I do it, it has to hold some sort of emotional/defense value, but I’ve yet to figure out what it is. I guess it could be as simple as the parental authoritarianism and poor attachment styles I experienced as a kid, but it seems too easy to just put it all on that.  I still get to make my own choices, as I have most of my life.  I just chose to let people see what I want them to see.  And evidently…that hasn’t changed.

I guess maybe Rob and/or Chris got most of me.  But it turns out (as per Dave’s suggestion), I have OCD personality disorder and need to control everything.  Both of them would attest to that.  So maybe it’s better I just keep myself to myself to save everyone from the controlling shitstorm that is Linda.  I know, I know, individual differences and all that, but there’s got to be people out there just like me, right?

But really, who am I?  Nobody knows.


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