Something thoughtful.

I want to have something thoughtful to say, because my last few posts have been blurbs of random things, and that’s not particularly what I like to go back to read (though the variety is nice).  I’m in a rather odd mood today though – I have been feeling slightly under the weather since I got home from school around 8:30, and my 99.0 temperature isn’t much by the way of fevers.  It’s now almost 2:30 in the morning, I have class at 9:30 and despite the fact that I didn’t nap, I don’t necessarily feel like sleeping (but I will post-posting).  I’m headed home tomorrow, but I always get a little stressed out the day before I go home.  I think it’s the pile of books I gather that represents the amount of work that needs to get done in the five days I’ll be back in NY. It’s a little daunting to think about: an entire WAIS-IV writeup based on little to no actual knowledge of the interpretations of the test (thus requiring I read a ton of the Essentials of WAIS-IV book), a stack of articles for Developmental Psych (and the requirement of posing a thoughtful question integrating the reading and my life experiences or interests), and then prep for a midterm in Cog Psych.  That…is the big giant scary looming task.  I won’t know specifically what I’ll be working with (I’ll find out tomorrow in class), but word on the street is that I have to prep six essays, two of which will be on the midterm (in addition to multiple choice questions which I will also need to study for).  So I have five days home, at least two of which the majority will be spent with Stefan, and once again I don’t have time for…anything.  I was asked not to go into the office to train (I guess my consultant fee was dissuasion enough), which frees up some time I was incredibly stressed over, but will the remainder be enough?  How will I be able to truly focus at my mom’s?  When I go upstairs to my old room, I just fall asleep, comforted by the life I used to live there and the safety of ‘home.’  (I used to always fall asleep at my grandmother’s house too, and for a short while there my dad’s as well.  Contrary to popular belief, I was comfortable there. I don’t actually have narcolepsy.) I suppose I prevail regardless of worry; I’ve never failed me before.  Tearing myself away to come back to Philadelphia on Tuesday is going to be next to impossible though; I know it.  Leaving only Wednesday to prepare for a 9:30 exam on Thursday is just not good planning though, so I’m going to have to step up my game best I can.  I’m where I am because I want to be there, and I want to do well, and I want to learn.  I just didn’t think I’d have to learn some of these mundane concepts or have to regurgitate them to get to the good stuff. Good lord, I hope there’s good stuff.

On an aside, I started “following” one of my exes on Twitter. I already follow the other one; he doesn’t care or he’d follow me back. Whatever. So I started following him because…well, there really are no hard feelings, and regardless of how miserably we failed at being together, he was still a huge part of my life.  I’m sorry he had to be the guinea pig to my psychotic behavior, but I’m glad it dissipated in the end.  And I maintain, “You said I know that this will hurt. But if I don’t break your heart, things will just get worse.  If the burden seems to much to bear, remember: the end will justify the pain it took to get us there.”  And it has.


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