Last night, while Sue was here visiting me, I ventured outside to sit with her in her car (she had been on the phone, and I came out to join her for a stoge). During this time, I watched some really drunk people, evidently younger than us, suck at relationships.
First was Ryan*. He was sitting outside on the front porch steps what looked like trying to hit on Jamie,* who was having none of it. At some point, he says, “see, you think I’m an asshole!” and she runs off into the apartment. My mistake was saying, “sick burn” from the car, or they never would have noticed my presence. They spent the following few minutes peering over at the car and whispering. Welcome to college life, kids.
But the clincher was Deidre* and Billy*. Deidre comes storming out of the apartment on her cell phone and walks a building over to stand in front of the sports store to talk. My attention waxed and waned, but overall she was begging Billy to love her. She kept using how often they hang out as examples, calling him a jerk, and then basically forced him into saying he only did or said something because he had some feeling for her that he clearly couldn’t freely admit was horniness. So she fights with him for 5 or 10 minutes, finally gets him to say something probably close enough to what she wanted to hear, and then switches gears into “OMG, how am I supposed to know you feel that way?”
Shortly thereafter, “I’m not that drunk” comes out as well, and we all now know that Deidre’s a liar. She gets off the phone with Billy and tells John* that she’s ready to go whenever, ’cause it’s obvious now that she’s going to Billy’s first chance she gets.
I miss being a whore sometimes. Last night was not one of those times.
* I have no fucking clue what these kids’ names are, so I made some up.