this insomnia has got to stop.

Today I woke up at 9:30.  I was supposed to be at a meeting at school at 9:30.  You see the conflict here.

This is unacceptable.  Ever since the night before the Cog presentation two weeks ago, I haven’t been able to sleep before 4 a.m., regardless of how tired I am.  So this morning, I either inadvertently turned my alarm off, or my phone did something weird (it looks like it rebooted itself, but that should have little effect on the alarm clock).  I guess I’m back to setting the microwave alarm/reminder, which is the only way I’ve been able to assure that I’ll get up when I need to.

I’m so disappointed in myself.  Yes, I kind of knew this not being able to sleep thing was going to come back and kick me in the ass at some point, but this was not really the form I was expecting it to take.  I don’t like to miss things, especially when missing said things demonstrates a level of irresponsibility, which I cannot afford to have at this stage in my life.  I’m 28 years old; I can’t be missing 9:30 a.m. meetings ’cause I overslept or my alarm potentially malfunctioned.  So you see: unacceptable.

New Christina at the speech office suggested some OTC melatonin, which I’m now considering.  I know the right answer is to deal with the stress, but I don’t have any actual way to do that sans health insurance, money and my own pro-bono therapist.  And it’s wayyyy too expensive to fly Stefan in every night so I can fall asleep at a normal hour and then fly him back to NY for work the next day.  But that’s the only time I sleep like a normal human (or, to be more politically correct: a “typical” human).

This is very frustrating…and likely self-perpetuating.  GRRR.

ADDENDUM–Wait! I do know what happened! My alarm went off at 7:40, but I had planned for two snoozes so I went to hit “snooze” and it would do absolutely nothing.  I couldn’t shut the alarm noise off, no matter what buttons I pressed, so I finally just shut the whole phone off to make it stop.  The plan was to wait for it to turn back on, and re-set the alarm, but obviously by the time it came back on, I was out cold once more.

Well, that makes a little more sense, and makes me feel a little less helpless (knowing it was an actual phone problem that I just dealt with poorly).  I wouldn’t need the “snooze” though if I could get to bed at a normal hour!

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