Thank you, Thief.

I’d just like to take a moment to thank whomever needed to steal a $10 stopwatch from my doorstep that had been delivered on 9/17.  I get it; seeing that box on the doorstep for three days straight while I was in NY must have been such utter torture that you had to rescue it from its abandonment.  And, hey, a reward for your gallant behavior — a brand new stopwatch for you!  I only needed it for school and thought ordering it would get it to me faster than having time to get to the store.  But I truly hope it’s as crappy as the picture and description looked on Walmart.com and that it beeps at your conscience in your sleep like a tell-tale watch.  You are a jerk, and I am a poor grad student out ten bucks.

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