WARNING: SPOILER ALERT FOR THE EXPENDABLES!!!!
Oh, The Expendables, you prove to be anything but. However, I love you all nonetheless. I made a decision tonight to purchase (or more accurately find a friend that will know how to make me a copy) The Expendables when it comes to watch as my “bad day” flick. Through the movie, I wanted to punch the Spanish chick’s dad in the face (but then hug him later) — my daddy issues carry over into fucking everything, it seems — and smoke a cigarette, but most importantly I wanted to blow shit up. Like seriously consider becoming a mercenary apprentice instead of a shrink (irony?).
I’m a little out of whack lately though, so I don’t know if that’s what’s causing me to suddenly want to play FPSes. If I were a more patient person, I would take the time to get good at those. But I can’t even level my alts because I can’t stand walking anywhere instead of flying or having mana drain after a single kill. I was forced into giving it a shot when I got home in a “kill shit” mood only to find the CC realm down for maintenance for like 700 hours. I didn’t make it 5 minutes on my ER alt before hearthing and logging. I don’t have the kind of time for alts. Nigga, please.
So back to being out of whack (ADHD WoW distraction over). I think the hormones are doing their thing again, and I finally realize a second perk to the ol’ BC pills I quit taking. None of this up-and-down roller coaster BS, just a stable independent semi-emotional state. Now, I have days where I’m super-sensitive, days where I’m super-insecure, days where I’m super-secure, days where I’m on top of the friggen’ world, and days where I’m just emotionally disconnected. Right now, I’m rather disconnected. I can probably find a way to attribute the whole skipping the state thing into that — some mumbo jumbo about a natural defense (should I be calling it mumbo jumbo, or should I be making a career out of it?). In any event, I’m almost certain it will go away (as the sporadic tears do–wtf?!?! I found myself crying on my way to work on Monday for all of 30 seconds. Then it was over. “Wahh, I’m leaving a job I can’t fucking stand!” …and the salary?). But I always have that tiny shred of doubt that lingers — what if it doesn’t go away, and everything/everyone that I love stops mattering to me anymore? So roughly once a month I have this mini freak-out, usually just in my head. Today, I put it down on paper (e-paper, to be exact).
So after all of that drawn-out explanation of my inability to feel empathy, I think I want to watch The Expendables once a month (or two or three or four times, depending on how many days this detachment lasts). Sure, it’s not every girl’s “feel good” movie, but when I want to take an AA-12 to the world, this will keep me sane, because Caesar did it for me.
Finally, there’s no cheesy-ass love story. Sure, Christmas gets all bent out of shape when the girl he thought was his turned out to not be, but it ends there for the most part. Ross needs to save a girl, but there’s no smoochy smoochy barf scene at the end or anything. When talking about loving or living with a woman (can’t recall which, but it doesn’t really matter), Ross tells Christmas that someone said to live with (or love, whatever) a woman, you have to learn to/be able to live without her. Hell yeah. None of this “OMG I would just die without you!” Sure, sure, it happens pretty regularly with the elderly couples that have been together for a few decades, but they did that to themselves, really. Keep it separate, people. Have your own lives. I don’t know how many times I have to say that. Sometimes I need to hear it, too.
So no sappy crap, lots of explosions and fire and guns…oh, and did I mention copious amounts of witty banter? Have I yet mentioned today how much I love witty banter? Between hot men? (+10)
Lacy’s new mans could seriously DIAF; I don’t handle domestic abuse really well, so I squirmed a little when they showed that welt on her face. Too bad he didn’t use an open hand.
Okay, so there were plenty of bad scenes. There was a fair share of poor acting. There were things that didn’t make a whole lot of sense (they had to fly in under the guise of taking pictures of exotic birds to basically not be executed immediately, but they went back and just magically wound up inside the palace that Ross had somehow managed to figure the entire layout of from afar). But all-in-all it did what I, personally needed it to do.
Now to re-rent Snatch and Lock, Stock. ::sigh:: Jason Statham, have my babies.
Click click boom, bitches.