teetering.

I think I’m getting a little too emotional for my own good these days.  I’m moving to Philadelphia in a month an a half (this can’t possibly be true, says my brain), and after all of the cutting of ties here in NY, I’ve found one I can’t yet let go of. Were it two months ago, I would concede that yes, it’s my darling KJ.  But alas, I am forbidden to see and interact with the love of my life.  So who could possibly have me so tied down that I don’t really want to leave NY? If you really know me (work peeps, Jo, and Alex), you know the answer.  I’m not completely willing to admit defeat, but I’ll admit I haven’t felt this close to someone in a long time.  (My favorite part is the witty banter.  Witter banter always gets me.)

I feel like this is putting myself out there too much; setting myself up for disappointment.  As possible as that is, is it better not to risk it at all?  When 80% of your thoughts are consumed by someone, when you can’t resist seeing them on as close to a daily basis as you can manage…is this something to ignore?  Even if it all goes to shit, could it be anything less than another experience that allows for personal growth?

I tell myself these things, but inside, like any other human being, I’m scared as hell.

And then, in a great big fit of insecurity, I wonder, should I take it all back?

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