I think I’m getting a little too emotional for my own good these days. I’m moving to Philadelphia in a month an a half (this can’t possibly be true, says my brain), and after all of the cutting of ties here in NY, I’ve found one I can’t yet let go of. Were it two months ago, I would concede that yes, it’s my darling KJ. But alas, I am forbidden to see and interact with the love of my life. So who could possibly have me so tied down that I don’t really want to leave NY? If you really know me (work peeps, Jo, and Alex), you know the answer. I’m not completely willing to admit defeat, but I’ll admit I haven’t felt this close to someone in a long time. (My favorite part is the witty banter. Witter banter always gets me.)
I feel like this is putting myself out there too much; setting myself up for disappointment. As possible as that is, is it better not to risk it at all? When 80% of your thoughts are consumed by someone, when you can’t resist seeing them on as close to a daily basis as you can manage…is this something to ignore? Even if it all goes to shit, could it be anything less than another experience that allows for personal growth?
I tell myself these things, but inside, like any other human being, I’m scared as hell.
And then, in a great big fit of insecurity, I wonder, should I take it all back?