Someone entertain me. Massive Attack isn’t doing it for me. I’m in an incredibly weird mood. Maybe it’s because I had an amazing political conversation with someone who thinks the way I do (it helps not having entirely opposing views). Maybe it’s because I had too many mojitos. Maybe it’s because I was at a friend’s (second) wedding. Maybe I just need a few minutes.
To be honest, I’m sick of dreaming about being vulnerable and waking up scared. Failing that, I’m sick of dreaming about the family that doesn’t want me. Failing that, I’m sick of dreaming of the notion of my ex-boyfriend. It’s not even him anymore that incorporates himself into my dreams, it’s this idea that he’s somewhere, not in the flesh. So the only three things in my life that I hate officially haunt my dreams. No wonder I fall asleep with my laptop in my lap–I don’t want to spend a single second alone with my own mind. Sometimes I wish I were the Linda I used to be, insecurely finding a warm body to sleep next to just to have some sort of comfort. Unfortunately (or is it fortunately?), I have more self-respect than that, and an even greater desire for happiness.
I guess I have to face the dreams, then. How much is dream therapy out of pocket? (Freud would have a goddamn field day with me, contrary to my feelings for him.)