Oh, it’s been a week, all right. In more than one way. They say “time flies when you’re having fun,” but I’m pretty sure it flies for other reasons too–like you’re sick, or you’re overwhelmed, or you’re busy, or you’re tired. Time is an elusive bitch, I say.
Some new developments:
– I am in “love” with this song. It’s probably emo, but I think it’s pretty. It’s not exactly like me to like something like that (anymore), so the fact that I do keeps me hopeful. I’ve a few reasons, none of which include the portrayal of love as a necessity. I’ve never actually watched the video, despite the linkage, so whatever messages that might conjure has nothing to do with it either. Basically, I guess it’s just a nice idea to find support and encouragement from someone. I don’t know that I realized it before, but being called things like, “Ms. Future Shrink” and hearing, “yeah, but you’ve got it down; they’ll accept you,” no matter the actual or intended level of support behind them are just…well, nice. I’m sad to say I’ve not really stood behind most things the men I’ve surrounded myself with were involved in. Mostly because I personally didn’t find them very relevant and/or interesting, I suppose. I’m not sure why though–shouldn’t “doing what you love” be enough? Maybe I just never thought any of them were doing what they loved. Then again, I find most people don’t. They just…have jobs they end their days with beer and complaints about.
Speaking of beer and complaining. I have a beef to dispel. (I’m hoping the rant dispels it.) Why do I feel as though the popular methods of connection between people are alcohol, music and whining? I’ve several Facebook friends that never post anything other than music or lyrics or something about them. I have others that talk about very little other than their next drinking binge (which is usually the day after the last one). The whining comes in mostly due to the fact that music & alcohol are secondary vices to straight-up whining. But, really, what is this? I realize I’m just being super-judgmental — I suppose it’s like calling someone who was born/raised on Long Island “just another girl from Long Island,” which I evidently still haven’t gotten over — I should probably just chalk it up to “not having similar interests.” I mean yeah, I like music, and yeah, I like alcohol (sometimes, and in moderation–those that don’t believe me, please refer to Linda’s Labor Day Developmental Disability), but to consider either of them the cornerstones of my being just makes me cringe. Okay, I get it: I’m a snob. So be it. Guess I’ll add that to the list of things resulting from the ’07-’09 … experience that I’m ambivalent about. (There are three lists: 1. I’m grateful for this wonderful thing I learned; 2. I hate you because you severely fucked me up; and 3. I’m not sure if this was a good thing or a bad thing–the “limbo” list.) So at least I worked out my judgmental snobitude. Well…done…self? Oh, and since this gets auto-posted to Facebook (like 20 hours after I write it, for some reason), I apologize to anyone who takes offense. Yeah, I probably mean you, but don’t worry, I don’t not like you because of it. Well, not yet anyway…I’ve also been on a friend-deletion spree. I went from 350-something friends to 270-something in a week. Be warned!
Other things I care to mention:
– I found turning myself off from the world kept me from over-stressing. Having a test Monday, a midterm Wednesday and the GREs Thursday convinced me to turn my phone to “standalone mode” for two days, and it was glorious. Not only did I not have to check it at all, I could forget all about it, which was much easier to do than I thought it would be. I kind of want to make that an every other day thing or something. I like not being contactable at all times. It makes me feel less like a machine and more like a person, despite the lack of connection to other persons.
– I got sick and took the GREs on the same day. So with less studying, more stress, and a fever I scored 50 points higher on it than I did when I studied for three weeks and took it before school started up for the semester. I find this interesting. I’m still dissatisfied with the score, but I see it this way: if I don’t get into any schools this year (which I’m mentally prepared for, just in case), I will have a year. And in that year, I will stay at the speech office (obviously), study the right way and rape the GREs as well as do research and volunteer work up the wazoo. I’m hoping to add in a small social life as well (not that I’ll have the fundage for that). So long as I can defer those undergrad loans, I should be set. And on top of it all, I’ll have spun a negative (non-acceptance) into a positive (the opportunity for creating a better applicant). I like this attitude. I wear it well, and I look good in optimism. 🙂
There are, as usual, a hundred other things I wanted to write about, but can’t remember. I’ll do a quick day-by-day thing:
Saturday–PUNKINS & APPLES & DONUTS — oh yes. Even though Mike and I took the very narrow, dirt path, scary hill roads (thanks, Jane!) to get to Fishkill Farms (which we later found out is right off of 84), it was worth it. Did you know when you go to an apple orchard you’ll have more fun if you climb the trees and partake in apple fights (the two are not mutually exclusive either)? It’s true. Man, was I missing out. Also, they make their own incredibly delicious donuts.
Sunday–was not even a little exciting. I spent the day hungover & trying to do homework.
Monday–Drugs & the Brain test on Animal & Human Study Methods. 21/25. Coulda been better; coulda been worse.
Tuesday–Worked Lake Success, studied a TON for my Environmental History midterm.
Wednesday– (Hopefully) rocked the midterm, slept 10-5.
Thursday–Studied for the GREs at 5 a.m., got sick at 7 a.m., took them at 8:30 a.m., worked for a few & went home early. Stared at the TV for two hours, then slept for 10.
Friday–Left early ’cause of the weather, still arrived to school late, forgot my notebook and my computer (took notes on the back of my volunteer application), went to work, went back to school to have my PPD read (negative, btw) and be told my “cold” will get worse before it gets better. Hooraids. Slept through half the Yankee game, watched Eddie Izzard on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, started to feel crappier, and now am wide awake at 2:30 in the morning. If and when I ever finish this blog I’ll be reading Nature’s Economy until my eyes close, which hopefully won’t take long.
Regardless of all the crap that went on today, I maintain that life doesn’t suck. Sure, I had to cancel family plans, ALCS playoff tickets, and a “date” (it’s just easier to call it that), but I could have the flu, or a virus and be unable to function at all without drugs. I haven’t taken any (yet); my remedy is to rest, as I did when I got home and will do all day tomorrow (well, I’ll be doing homework, but it’ll be with tea in my PJs). I’m going to try to make something with the bag o’apples sitting in my kitchen, and maybe carve up Winston (that’s what I’ve named my punkin’). I feel yummy roasted punkin’ seeds will make me happy.
Oh! And here’s some snapshots from the past week-ish:
In all seriousness, I learned about Native Americans in Environmental History, the following day in Psychology of Prejudice, and then two days later the school on the corner had this outside. WTF?! Do all the teachers in the state collaborate on their lesson plans?