The following came from the other blog I started, but don’t feel like signing out of my gmail just to write in:

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Hahahaha. Kill. Your. Selves.

Dear Rob & Liz,

Grow the fuck up. You’re both gonna be 30 in a year or two. Try acting any age over 15.


Burned Bridge

Posted by Ciara Starling at 3:07 AM 0 comments


Friday, June 5, 2009

An emotional start.

I’m not even sure when I created this blog, but I get the feeling logging into gmail as SuperLinda (after reading yesterday that Julie’s email address is SuperJules…) and finding it already here, no posts yet, is the “right track.” Sure, I can’t be signed into my regular gmail at the time, but who cares anymore; there’s no one on gmail to “stalk” these days anyone. Chris, Rachel & Douchebag in Disguse (should I change his name back to Sam now that I told Mike I was “over it”?) are on “never show” now, so I don’t even notice if they’re there or not.

In any event, this isn’t about any of them. This is about me, and the people in my life now. Granted, this is a little easier to find than I was hoping, but I like Blogger. Though I did enjoy my politics blog that I never actually got around to writing. I think that one was on WordPress.

Anyways, tonight one of my friends became friends with Chris. I found this weird, because she really has no connection to him, save for meeting him once, weeks before we split up and then randomly passing him on a NYC street. I suppose ultimately I don’t really care, but…why??? Why do I feel like everyone is fucking with me today/recently? I get a FB message from Brian (Liz’s ex-but-not-really) just in a “hey what’s up with youuu?” kinda way. I’m not the petty, pathetic bitch Liz expects me to be, so I’m clearly not responding. It’s not even from him; it’s from her. She knows his passwords; she’s told me that one. She just wants to see if I’ll talk to “Brian” to get her back for deciding to “drop” me in favor of Rob. DIAF, all of you. Please.

On a happier note, I watched Meet the Robinsons for the first time today, and by the end of that flick I was crying. Not because life sucks, or because I’m sad about something–because I feel like I’m doing things right for a change. I have a family that loves me–we’re even planning a trip to PA for two days which I’m skipping the first day of school for–and a brother that makes me smile better than anyone I’ve ever known. I have cheap housing and minimal expenses in life (I pay for my car, gasoline, food, drink, some electricity and my computer. School is on loan, my dad pays for my house and my phone, my mother does my laundry and I think that makes me pretty lucky. I have a job that pays me well and enough work to keep the hours up, despite the early death it will bring me. I’m going to school and I’m looking to not stop–that’s more than most people can say. I have a best friend that is my absolute soul mate–we could spend weeks not talking but it wouldn’t matter; we’re sisters. I finally found a great guy that is a not only a good person, but an affectionate one and someone I’m comfortable with. It just…fell into place.

My mother and I had this conversation a few weeks ago about how I would “know” and she would “know” when the guy I found was the right one. Good sign A: she likes Mikey. Good sign B: this feels more right than anyone else I’ve dated. Maybe I say that at the beginning of all my relationships, but there’s only been two to three serious ones ever. The thing is, if I look back on things I wrote back at the beginning on my relationships, they’d read happy, because I was. But with every word I used to write, I still knew something was wrong. I don’t feel that way here, not yet. As a matter of fact I changed my FB status to “in a relationship” today, because, whether I actually am or not, I don’t need people thinking otherwise, and it’s fairly safe to say both Mikey and I actually want to be in a relationship. You don’t tell someone you’re not really interested in that you miss them…unless, of course, you’re Sam…and even then my response was, “does that actually work?” See? I’m pretty smart. S’why I hope I’m right this time. Again, it feels like I’ve done something very right.

Posted by Ciara Starling at 11:25 PM 0 comments

Good thing I have an alias, huh?ย  Just call me…echo.


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