Holy hell, temporary insanity. I started today on kind of the same path as last night, but work turned it around. I was forced to do things with people I don’t hate. For once, work was welcome. And mind you this is immediately after getting a call from Gucci.com to ask me for more information about my order…if you know me at all, you’d know I definitely didn’t order anything from Gucci.com. So evidently my credit card information was snatched from the interwebs at some point. I immediately called AmEx. Nothing was charged to the card (yet), but 700-something dollars was pending authorization. So if and when I see that/those charge(s) pop up, I can call and report fraudulent activity. Lighting up a stress-relief cancer stick, I thought, rather ironically, Shit. Could it actually get worse?!
And it didn’t. It didn’t necessarily get better either, but it leveled itself out. There was work. And school. And both of those leave little room for crazy thoughts. Fortunately, we did some meditation practice in Buddhism. I wish I could list all of the things I brought to mind when instructed to focus on ‘anger.’ But I think people pretty much know what has pissed me off, so there’s no real need to list anyway (plus, who wants to leave incriminating evidence?). The meditation was definitely relaxing enough to calm me down some. It didn’t make me happy, as it was supposed to, but that was because I couldn’t come up with the “happiest moment of my life.” I came up with some happy times, which were as intricate as sleeping under my grandmother’s arm during thunderstorms when I was younger or as general as petting a puppy, but nothing that stood out above the rest. Slightly disappointed, I polled a few friends. Two out of five answered, which made me feel a little better because the other three were like, “damn, I don’t know.” So I’m not the only one. But I should really start thinking about that. And meditating. Who knows; maybe it’ll help.
Anyways, I’m stalling writing my Buddhism paper and writing out some answers to my Ecology study questions. There’s only 100 of those to get done by Sunday. Final’s next Wednesday, too. Looks like it’s going to be a busy two weeks.
No, really. I came mostly out of my funk. I’m back to defending myself the best way I know how–completely crushing any feelings that come up. Aside from this weekend, it’s worked really well. I keep to myself, always keep busy, and stop stalking. Once I get those down, whatever happens, happens. No matter who fucking likes it or not.