for all the right reasons.

I was going to write an “in yo face” blog about all the good things I have in my life, and comment on how weak and stupid my dream blog was, but…well…”I don’t want to be that guy anymore.” Writing some “I’m better than you” public information is cheating. No, it’s vain. Vain and immature. Two things I have had trouble escaping. So here’s an additional effort to do so. I am two weeks away from summer and things are surprisingly good; no need to try to make myself feel like a level competitor. I’m finally starting to feel like I don’t need to do that. Which is kind of amusing really–I win; know why? ‘Cause I don’t care about winning.

Wait, don’t get me wrong here: writing about the good goings-on is wonderful–encouraging, even–but doing it as a reaction, or in a boastful way, that’s where things get screwy.

Anyway, onto other stuff… in about 4 minutes I’m going to force myself to sit down and write my Long, Strong Island paper. You know, the one that accompanies the song, so that I can get that A. I played the song for the class yesterday evening. At least 60-70 people sat and stared as I capo’ed the second fret of my pretty new blonde baby, played G/C/D Am/D G/D/G/C/D/G over and over and sang what seemed to me to be lyrics that would never make the cut. My teacher spent the five minutes following my perfomance praising me and making the class aware of specific lyrics. In short, I was a hit. Being such put me on a high horse for the remainder of the evening too. I think I drank 4 “celebratory” beers, played some WoW with Mike, talked to the two people closest to me atm, put on the new Depeche Mode album and danced and laughed all night. Holding Buddhism class outside on the lawn (and getting hit on by some 20-year old cutie) definitely helped the rising spirits too, but they were before I even played the song. πŸ˜‰ Okay, maybe it was wearing that dress too. I can’t help but think about Chris telling me I looked good in it as I strolled down Clyde Street the day he signed the lease on his apartment. I think that picks me up an extra confidence point or two.

So the best few days I’ve had in a long time were Saturday-Tuesday. I’m still not out of the scared-out-of-my-mind woods yet, as my trust is still at a dangerously low level, but I’m workin’ on it, and I’m determined. ‘Cause no matter what happens ultimately, I get something good out of everything I do. Unfortunately, I can sometimes see what I’m going to get from someone way early in a friendship/relationship/interaction; I just hope in knowing what that is, it doesn’t coincide with a forseen “end.” Then again, what did I just finish saying? Even if a relationship of any kind ends, I still get something from it. So it shouldn’t really matter, should it?

The answer is ‘no.’ But I’m still not a fan of “ends”!


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