I feel like I would then fit in better with those that I surround myself with. I would be fun to talk to, sought out for ideas. What do I do? I go to school for psychology. Aside from actually having a somewhat intelligent brain, what have I to contribute to the people closest to me?
I honestly don’t think I have anything of substance to say, and that I’m not very interesting. I might be entertaining sometimes, but that’s all I see as far as what I have to offer. I’m animated. I’m easy to make fun of. Sometimes I feel like I’m the person everyone keeps around to make themselves feel better about how smart/knowledgeable they are.
I’m sure there’s more to it. I’m sure I’ve something good going for me, but at present I can’t see it and I’m not entirely sure why. I’d love to just post my insecurities to the workdaylist, but … well, no one ever has a problem like that, because they’re all so damn confident in themselves & their strengths. I don’t know what my strengths are. I don’t know what I’m good for. And I don’t need to feel even more the baby for whining about it to a group of 30+ people.
Then again, that might be good for me. Maybe they’ll say something nice. Or maybe something mean, but that I need to hear. Or maybe they won’t say anything at all, which would be worse, but nothing worth getting a stash of ACME razors over. (I wouldn’t really need a stash now, would I? One would seemingly be sufficient. Heh.)
I’d rather not seek comfort in other people’s comments. What I’d like is to feel like I know something, and not need to wonder how I fit into the puzzle that are the people I call ‘friends.’ I need for these uber-insecure days to just stop. And step one is coming to terms with who I am, and what my own strengths are. I’m just not sure how to do that when I don’t know.