nobody said it was easy.

The every 4 days blog continues…although today, I’m not much in the mood to be posting pictures. Maybe another time.

Thursday was nice. Jo came over for dinner. It’s great having her so close by. I will be sad to see her leave, but we will both be so preoccupied with our respective schools, that I imagine weekends will be our only potential time to see one another anyway.

Friday was … a Friday. Work, back to Queens, which I am now calling “home.” I decided if I was going to have doubts about the entire arrangement it wouldn’t be worth doing. So as of now I’m all in. Chris came home from a work BBQ and we watched a movie, drank some whiskey and had just a good, relaxing night in.

Saturday we went to our respective mothers’ homes. I hung out with mom and the cat and BBQed for us. Went back home just to turn around and meet Vinny at the Beer Garden in Astoria. Turns out a friend of (my friend) Dan’s was having a bachelor party there as well, so lots of people were around. It was actually a great place and a lot of fun. Unfortunately, though, my night didn’t end well. One might say it ended disturbingly.

Half of Sunday was spent sleeping. During the waking hours, Chris & I went to Home Depot and carried a table & chairs a mile or two home. Then we set up in the living room and made a workstation. I think it came out pretty well. I tried to study for the test I had today in sleep class, but it was a lot of material and my focus was way off. I did the best I could with what I had.

I left this morning with the intention of returning Wednesday. I’m looking forward to not having to do this anymore. Not wondering where certain belongings are, not trying to figure out what time to get up because of what day it is or if it’s raining, stuff like that. I’d like to have a fairly smooth lifestyle, not that that’s ever really been too possible. But a good place to start might be standard commuting and a stable place to reside.

I spent most of the day okay; I spent some of the day upset. It was rather random, honestly. I didn’t realize I would have strong, painful emotions just sitting inside of me, whirring around, itching for somewhere to go, but finding nothing. Void of an outlet, they only find solace in random tears, which really just annoys me. So I’m walking around, some sort of tear-jerking time bomb, trying to live a normal life. I hear it’s a process, and I’m ready for the “healing” to begin…however that happens. How does one find a constructive emotional outlet, anyway?


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